The last few weeks were really lenient to me. An ordinary troubles of an ordinary man compressed into one big bubble. Existential crisis, thoughts on new beginnings. The way I “should” live my life vs. the road I want to walk. I tried mostly to focus this energy into something meaningful. Motivate myself to exercise, get better in my writing, finish up old projects. With the lowest point of your life comes also the other side of the coin. Old bad habits speaks to you stronger than ever, they distract you from your path. Virus always strikes you hardest, when the immunity of your body is at its lowest. These are viruses of your mind, which are waiting for you to despair, to feel unpleasant emotions, to feel sadness and loneliness of life, to feed on a lost child of opportunity. One of these scorpions in my belief is overuse of social sites. It feeds on every man’s fear of loneliness, on endeavor to socialize, connect with others. It creates a false sense of connection and silently plays on my ego, an image of my narcissistic self, which I proudly present to you. One solution is to cut it out, bleed out the poison, and never touch it again. Radical, only for strong-willed, cold people, which are focused on a final goal. I was like that, I did it. When something doesn’t work out, maybe it’s easier to cut it out. Overtime, I realized there is something missing and wrong about this solution. It doesn’t represent the reality of life. You’re telling yourself how strong you are, that nothing can bother you, if you simply cut it off from your life. Now I see how afraid I was to put out the work, to expose myself to options, to face the scorpions, not flee from them. But I don’t want to lose contact with you and a way to present myself to the online world. So what’s the solution?

I had healthy relationship with social sites, before, so I can do it again. What I must to do is few modifications of my behavior, to set some simple rules. I do use socials only on my laptop, so no distraction on my smartphone. I like to think about my phone like a great tool, not my master. When I really need to post something thru an app, I simply install it and then uninstall it. It makes me think twice to post something, if it’s really worth the time and effort. I try to post only pictures, which were taken by another person, preferably outside my home, so that it is not tempting my inner narcissist by selfies. I still prefer the pictures of me made by the other person. I perceive it like a frozen moment through their eyes, not some artificially created view of myself for myself. I will check messages only once a day, hopefully more days. Truth is, if you got really something important to say, you will call me, and if not is not that important right now. I don’t check most of the stories, and certainly I don’t browse the wall. I’m sorry I don’t get the time to check everybody’s life, and most of the stories are boring for me, that’s the truth. If I check your story, be pleased, maybe I’m interested in your life, in what you got to say. In the last weeks, I broke every rule here. I’m maybe not ready to face it full blast right now, or maybe my life is weaker right now then the app itself. After all, It is a great reminder of why I did it like that. Time come to get back on track. Future will show, if I’m prepared to face the reality of modern social life or do I even need it in my life.